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[EDITORIAL] How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back.... STRICTLY FOR THE LADIES

NCC - Monday, March 09, 2015


Your relationship with a special guy has come and gone, but now you want him back. At first he may say he doesn't want to, but remember, relationships are dynamic. sometimes an ex-boyfriend does want to get back together after a break-up. It's not unusual for a couple to get back together after they've taken time to cool off.

Sometimes he might miss having you in his life and want you back again. Maybe he misses you and starts thinking he made a mistake breaking up with you. Maybe he needed some space but you weren't letting him have it. Sometimes you can get him back, sometimes you can't, that's just life. Couples who break up and then get back together almost always feel an even deeper connection than they did the first time around; they've resolved issues together so the thing that tore you apart is no longer a problem. Your love for each other will deepen once that problem has been overcome. If you still love him it's worth trying. If it still doesn't work out, at least you'll know you tried. Knowing you tried can lessen the pain by keeping you from thinking "I should have tried (whatever.)"
Steps

1
Consider why the two of you broke up in the first place. Do you just want him back because you can't handle the idea that he does not want you? Or maybe you just like the idea of having a boyfriend? Or you really do like him? Were you (or both of you) abusive, controlling, mean, possessive, or jealous? Did one (or both) cheat? If any of these things happened, you'll want to think long and hard about going back into that kind of relationship, but if you do still want him back there are things you can do to help make that happen. 

2
Avoid being available 24/7. That will only make him think that you're just sitting around waiting for him to call. If you aren't busy, then text him back, if you're doing something, text or call him when you finish. Briefly say something like "sorry I couldn't pick up, I was doing (whatever you were doing)" and don't dwell on it or give details. Just casually mention it, and then go straight into the reason he called. Never make something up when you say what you were doing. For example, if you say you were out with a certain friend, but he saw that friend out doing something, it's over. 78.144.157.6120:43, 16 December 2014 (UTC)

3
Be the person he fell in love with. He was attracted to you because he felt good with you, and you were fulfilling his emotional needs. How have you changed? How has he changed? Correct bad habits and mistakes, if any. Be positive around him. Laugh and smile. Stay positive and feel good about yourself while making others around you feel good.
    • Don't appear to be stuck in the past. He'll know you're moving on when he sees you doing other things, and changing your style. But don't be too drastic in your change. Too drastic means you're not the person he fell in love with in the first place.

4
Choose your first words carefully. The first thing you say to your ex boyfriend is extremely important. If you say the wrong words, you will lose the chance to re-establish the relationship. Do not react to the breakup by crying and begging him to come back. This will not work. You are just going to make him feel more irritated with you and drive him further away. You need to understand that even though he initiates the breakup, there is a good chance that he still harbors good feelings for you and you can build on that if you don't burn your bridges.

5
Use the past to your advantage. If he complimented a particular outfit, wear it again. Or, share a light-hearted memory with him. If you have a chance to meet him, do it in a familiar place where you used to enjoy good times together.

6
Listen carefully to his choice of words. He may say something unusual. If he ever uses an unusual or uncommon word, use it also in your conversations, but don't be strangely obvious about it. This puts him at ease when you talk because you and he have a common vocabulary and method of communicating, making any discussion more casual and relaxed. If the word is new to you, don't use it until you've had a chance to look it up. If you use it wrong, you'll seem less intelligent and you'll come across as a pretender.

7
Find out if your ex still cares. Before you try to win him back, be sure you know that he still cares. If he no longer cares, but you're still desperate to get him back, it's not going to work. Knowing that your ex still cares about you is the most important sign that things can still be mended. If you handled the breakup poorly, have acted bad toward him since the breakup, have been rude, critical, argued about his choice to break up in the first place, or stalked him. it will be less likely that he still cares. If you've been mature and caring, he probably still cares for you too.

8
Casually ask if he'd like to do something as friends, like having a drink, attending a sporting event, playing a game you both like, seeing a movie, hanging out at the mall etc. Think of things friends normally do together, not dates. Keep it casual, comfortable, and friendly. If you both have a dog, it might be fun to meet at a dog park for some play time. It's pretty hard to feel bad when you're at a dog park. Act like a friend, not a girl friend. If you do this to just to get a chance to talk to him about the relationship you used to have or to drop hints that you want him back, he'll think you had ulterior motives all along and feel manipulated, because you've shown him that you did in fact blatantly do this even if it wasn't how you wanted to come across. However, if he initiates it while your out, follow his lead but don't get too emotional or try to make him feel guilty.

9
  1. Let him know you have been thinking about him. Maybe mention that one time the two of you went to dinner at that great new restaurant and had a fabulous time. Or leave send him a short email telling him you ate there recently and thought of him. And, by the way, ask how he is doing. There are non-aggressive ways to make conversation, and you need to show him that he can talk about these things with him without making him uncomfortable in any way 10
Invite him to talk to you. Express regret that things didn't work out between the two of you. Ask him if you can talk now that you've have a break from the relationship and you've both had time to reflect on it.

11
Pay attention to your appearance. If you have been neglecting yourself in that department, get your nails and hair done. Take a nice warm bubble bath, and pick out a nice outfit, but don't go over the top.

12
Be aware of how people perceive you, but don't try to change yourself in an attempt to change their perspective of you. Be yourself and let go of any real concern. Rather, take it as social cue. For example, If people perceive you poorly because you don't wear what they consider the right clothes, so what? It doesn't matter. Just ignore that perception and be confident in yourself. But, if people perceive you as a liar, pushy, manipulative, self-centred, or just plain mean, this is something you really need to work on.

13
If you just broke up give it some time. He will call you if he still likes you. If you think he still likes you, back off and give him time, then gradually work up to re-establishing communication. Mention that you're going to give him some time so he doesn't wonder why you aren't calling, this is especially important if the guy you love is a bit shy or insecure.

14
Remember, no situation is hopeless. Every day, couples get back together regardless of the situation. Not all couples, but a lot. Just be patient and make it easy for him to approach you without feeling nervous, apprehensive, or unsure of how you'd handle it. If he feels comfortable around you, he'll talk to you.

15
Find other things to focus on. If you focus your attention on a new activity, you will have less time to miss your ex-boyfriend. You will feel stronger and more in control of your life. If you are still in contact, your ex boyfriend will notice that you are actively pursuing other interesting activities. If he sees you as interesting, chances are he'll be interested.

16
Don't be jealous. Jealousy is a common reason for a break up. If your boyfriend has always been faithful to you but you get jealous every time he even looks at another girl, you're letting him know that even though he's trustworthy, you don't trust him. Think about it, can you honestly say you've never looked at a hot guy? Looking at someone is normal, we all do it. Never get mad or upset with your boyfriend because he's normal. Jealousy is not an attractive trait in any person. If you really need to say something about it, say something like "she has really pretty hair, but that shirt? ugh, not so much" and let it go immediately.
    • If he talks about good times he had with an ex while in your presence, it's not a big deal. It simply means he's comfortable being open with you. Almost everyone has at least one ex. If you expect him not to mention it, you're shutting down healthy communication and letting him know you reject a part of his life and part of who he is. If you let him talk about it, you can learn about some things he likes to do that you haven't done yet. And you can learn about the things she did or said that really made him feel bad. If you know what they liked to do and also what happened to make them break up. you can do those happy things with your boyfriend and make new memories. You also have the advantage of being able to avoid making the same mistakes she did. Jealousy is always toxic to a relationship. Pay attention to "How" he talks about his ex. If he talks nicely and respectfully that means he'll talk nicely and respectfully about you. If he goes into a rant on how bad she was and slams her, one day he will be talking about you the same way. But there is one huge exception... if he compares you to his ex in a negative way, dump him. "She did (something) better" or "I hate when you do (something) it's just like my ex" is never even remotely okay. Run away and never look back.
Tips
  • If you have something to say, say it from the heart because it will mean more to him. But never be pushy or demanding.
  • Do not call or text him all the time. This will give come across as desperation. Remember if he wants to talk, he will call you. And it's perfectly fine to text or call him every not and again if you parted on good terms.
  • If you and your ex decide to meet up, remember your appearance is important. Be the woman he fell for, not someone else and fake. If you didn't wear a lot of make-up and wear short tight dresses when you were together, don't suddenly start now or you'll look like you're desperate. This can make you look and needy, it can come across like you're being fake.
  • Give him time, people are complicated, and at times they don't know what they want. Don't try too hard if you know he's not into you, you will just waste your time, and worse, you could even look foolish.
  • If he's being flirtatious, and steals glances at you, it might mean he still likes you. This is what you want, so follow suit but make sure you flirt less than he does, and more subtly.
  • Never try to make him jealous. This will back-fire on you. It's like showing him you've moved on, and if he's the one who broke up with you, he will feel good about you moving on.
  • Don't stalk him. Give him some space so he can work out what he wants to do. If he still wants to be friends, then be friends, let him have the time to realize that he misses you. Let him know that you'll always be there for him as a friend. If you're going be friends then it's okay to text him but be mature about it. Avoid texting him more that once a day, and if he doesn't reply then leave him alone that day.
  • Be subtle; you don't want to look desperate. You can subtly flirt with him a little, but keep it very subtle. Don't over do it or act like you're still together.
  • Smile whenever you run into each other, so that he knows you still like him and you're happy to see him.
  • Give each other some space after the breakup so you both have time to figure out if you really do want the relationship back.
Warnings
  • If you are able to get him back, make sure you have determined what went wrong the first time, and work on that problem or you will end up back at square one.
  • Be realistic; don't get your hopes up too high. There's a chance that he will not want to fix the relationship so approach it with maturity. He will respect you for handling this in a mature way, and it makes it easier to get other boys interested when they see you're a reasonable person.
  • Know when to let go. This will be a determining factor in whether you get your ex back, keep him as a friend, or have him walk out of your life forever.
  • If there's a pattern of breaking up and getting back together, there's something wrong with the relationship that needs to be fixed. All couples fight sometimes, but at some point you need to take a breath and think about why it keeps happening. Everyone's different, and that's okay. Be realistic, identify the problem and talk to him in a calm mature way, He should respect you for that. If it turns out that the problem is that you expect different different things and you can't work out a compromise, then you'll both be happier just moving on. You can still be friends, and you can get a boyfriend who's more compatible. Be strong. never come across as desperate or needy. Other boys will see this and it will be a sure turn-off. If you act the part of a crazy ex-girlfriend, other boys will avoid having a relationship with you, because if it doesn't work out, then "he" will be the next one who has to deal with a crazy ex-girlfriend. No boy wants that.
  • If he starts pulling away from you because he wants sex or likes to do drugs, and you do not, don't try to change him to make it work. It's hard for people to change, and impossible if he wants you to be the one to change. Stay true to yourself, and let him be who he is.
  • If you're both young, like in high school or younger, understand that you're both new to committed relationships. This is a time to explore boy/girl relationships and develop the social skills that go along with it. Often the boy or even the girl will break up because they want to be with someone else. A lot of times they decide they were happier with you and come back. If he left you for another girl or left another girl for you, but was upfront and honest about it, this means he can be trusted. If he was cheating on you or another girl, this shows he still lacks the maturity to have a loving committed relationship. You can't really maintain a healthy and loving relationship with someone who hasn't yet developed the social skills that are necessary to keep a romantic relationship on the right path. And that's okay, after all, a mature relationship is much better when both the boy and girl act maturely toward each other.
  • While it's possible to fix the relationship and make reasonable compromises, remember, both of you need to compromise, not just you. You can't make another person love you, but you can try to understand things leading to the break up from the perspective of your ex. And he can do the same if that's what he wants. You can't make him do this, but if he sees you trying he may help you by sharing his feelings. Once that happens he'll feel validated and that's one problem solved.
  • If he tries to cheat on his current girlfriend with you give him a firm "NO" and mean it. This will show him that you respect yourself, and he may respect you more than he ever did. An be aware that If he's cheating on her now, he will cheat on you. Just be friends and call it a day. Just be nice and say "no, I'm not comfortable with that" Unless he's pressing for a reason why, it's easier to just leave it at that. If he persists you'll need to tell him why in a calm and nice way, and don't lie about your reason to make it easier. If you're mean about it, you both have bad feelings.
  • Don't pursue your ex if he's married. If he's married but with you, that proves he's a cheater. If you get him back, count on him cheating on you too. No one needs that. The stress and emotional pain that goes along with a cheating boyfriend just isn't worth it. It's never worth it if it's hurting you.